By Sarah Frazer
The house was quiet.
After taking my kids to school, I returned home. I put my keys on the kitchen counter, hung my purse by the door, and walked to the coffeemaker.
My cup was half filled with cold coffee. Do I pour more or just heat this up?
I glanced toward the living room and noticed my unopened Bible on the table beside my favorite blue chair. My attention went back to the kitchen with open cereal boxes and dirty dishes piled in the sink. My bed upstairs was unmade, and shoes lined the hallway.
The daily question hit me: Should I skip my quiet time with God and clean the house?
I used to think my quiet time only “counted” if it was done the right way—uninterrupted, organized, meaningful, and preferably with something underlined in matching ink. But more often than not, I walked away feeling like I didn’t have time to do it like that.
The house offered me a different equation: clean it well and I could see the results. Order the mess and everything would feel right again.
But my quiet time with God didn’t work that way. I often didn’t see immediate results. No visible proof I had done it “well.” No checklist to confirm I had gotten it right.
Somewhere along the way, I started treating time with God the same way I treated my house—something to manage, perfect, and measure.
One built on control; the other built on grace.
I was approaching a relationship the same way I approached a responsibility.
Gentleness vs. Perfectionism
Perfectionism disguises itself as wanting to honor God, but underneath is fear. A fear of doing it wrong or of not being enough.
For most of my life, I feared I was disappointing God. Reading my Bible, prayer, and my quiet time with the Lord felt more like spiritual pressure than a spiritual invitation. Did I do it right?
Perfectionism kills quiet time.
The Bible tells a different story about our lives as Christians. We may think of the fruit of the Spirit as love, joy, and peace, but we sometimes forget gentleness is also a fruit (Gal 5:22–23).
The word “gentleness” is often tied to long-suffering or patience. We should cultivate this type of fruit in our lives as it relates to others, but also to ourselves. We’re to be gentle, good, and faithful to our own hearts.
Jesus’ heart is gentle and lowly toward us (Mt 11:28–30). During seasons when sorrow and heartache abound, we should approach ourselves the same way Jesus does:
“He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with the young.” – Isaiah 40:11 ESV
What a beautiful picture of tender care, not pressure to be perfect.
Jesus doesn’t crush fragile faith—He protects it. God is a tender, loving Father who protects those who are weak (Is 40:11).
Sometimes we expect from ourselves what God doesn’t require from us.
The ‘Messy Method’ Moment
Once I let go of the “perfect” Bible study idea, I finally developed a habit of meeting with God daily. I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I became desperate for time with God and just started reading the Bible.
We all need a way to meet with God that doesn’t depend on having the perfect amount of time, the perfect plan, or the perfect mindset.
Let me share four steps to engage in God’s Word that I call my “messy method”:
- Read whatever you can, even if it’s just one verse.
- Pause to notice a word or phrase that stands out.
- Write something honest—a question, worry, or a prayer.
- Respond by turning to God in prayer. Maybe all you can say is, “I need You today.” Your response doesn’t need to be impressive, just real.
Faithfulness isn’t measured by how polished our quiet times look, but how often we return to Scripture. We can have a plan, but should hold it loosely. If we miss a day, embrace God’s grace.
4 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism in Your Quiet Time
Friend, meeting with God is never about perfection, but returning to Him again and again just as we are.
Here are four things to keep in mind as we overcome perfectionism in our quiet times with the Lord:
#1 – Start small on purpose – One verse is still meeting with God.
#2 – Replace the inner critic with truth – God isn’t disappointed by your weakness.
#3 – Return instead of restart – No “I’ll try again on Monday.” Start today.
#4 – Let your devotion time be messy – Don’t worry about color-coding, just write a few things down.
This isn’t about a better method or even a more consistent quiet time. It’s about Jesus. Jesus tells you and me, “Come to me…for I am gentle and lowly in heart” (Mt 11:28–29).
His invitation has never been about performance, but presence.
Our quiet times don’t have to be perfect to be pleasing to the Lord. Distracted mornings and simple prayers aren’t failures, but places of return.
Jesus welcomes us with gentleness. Let’s meet with God, set aside our perfectionism, and realize He’s already waiting for us!
The same gentleness He extends to us is the gentleness He invites us to live in—even with ourselves.
Sarah Frazer
Sarah Frazer is the author of I Didn’t Sign Up for This. She encourages women to discover God’s goodness when their stories shift. She and her husband live in the Appalachian hills with their five children. She is also the co-host of the podcast Psalms to Help You Sleep. Her work has been featured on Crosswalk, Proverbs 31 Ministries, YouVersion, Gospel Centered Discipleship, and Christianity Today. Connect with Sarah at sarahefrazer.com or on Instagram.
