An invitation for dinner at someone’s home or to meet up at a coffee shop is a lovely thing. But when the host is more interested in making herself known rather than getting to know you, the invitation loses some of its appeal.
Sadly, I’ve been that host more than I’d like to admit.
Thankfully, God provided two ways to grow in biblical hospitality.
First, my husband and I became empty nesters, so we had an open-table period of inviting people into our home.
Second, I experienced early hearing loss and started wearing hearing aids by the age of 40. Hearing aids forced me to listen harder, lean in closer, and keep my eyes on the person talking—the perfect posture to get to know someone.
Curiosity Communicates Others’ Stories Matter
“There is a universal temptation to find yourself the most fascinating subject in the world.” – Tim Challies
A day comes for each of us when we realize every person has a story as deep as our own. The word for this discovery is sonder.
Understanding God hasn’t written a unique story solely around us, but around every other person on the planet, is humbling and deeply intriguing.
We can recognize the circumstances God used in our own lives to draw us to Himself and shape us. Some are powerful experiences of drastic change; others are quiet stories of slow and steady transformation.
Our guests are a mystery with a history. As we listen to their stories, God makes Himself known. Curiosity can help us see all the creative ways God does His heart work.
Listening to others’ stories, learning what drew them to Christ—or what challenged them—allows the storyteller to feel seen. Learning what helped or hindered others equips us to love those we encounter every day on a deeper level.
When we share our stories with others out loud, we see more clearly the behind-the-scenes work of the Lord. We offer a gift when we allow someone else to share—uninterrupted— so the sharer can appreciate God’s grace and power in her own life again. Plus, we get to marvel at God’s work in that person’s life.
Listening, lingering, and looking someone in the eye are rare and precious gems in today’s conversations. When we graciously receive someone else’s story, we can glorify God.
Curiosity Mirrors God’s Attentiveness
“He said to them, ‘But who do you say that I am?’” – Matthew 16:15 ESV
Hospitality doesn’t always have to be a meal. Sometimes it starts with a question.
Consider Jesus’ question to His disciples in Matthew 16:15. First, Jesus asked them who the people said He was. Then He asked a pointed question, forcing the men to grapple with their own beliefs: “But who do you say that I am?”
In the Bible, God, who knows all things, still asked questions of His people. The Lord’s questions offered restoration and reflection (Gn 3:7–9, 4:2–7, 18:14; 1 Kgs 19:9; Jn 5:6).
Likewise, we can ask questions to help people confront, reflect on, and articulate what’s happening in their lives. Our curiosity can show we care about their heart, not just the activities they do.
Curiosity Embodies Christ
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” – Philippians 2: 5–7 ESV
Curiosity puts others first and reflects Jesus Christ’s love for us.
Jesus surrendered any claim to royalty He had—the splendor of Heaven, equality with God—to lower Himself and become human.
Jesus cares about the people created in His image. Christ cared less about Himself and more about us (Phil 2:3–4), to the point He sacrificed His life on the cross.
Are we willing to sacrifice being the center of the conversation and become curious about someone else? Can we model Christ’s love and put others first by paying attention?
Stay Focused on God’s Story
“And he went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled.” – Mark 5:20 ESV
When we listen to the stories of others (rather than pushing our own story forward), we can catch fresh glimpses of God’s story at work in the lives of others.
Hospitality begins with how we listen. Whether we welcome people into our home or gather in a neutral space, we can leave our guests feeling loved by simply paying attention.
Try weaving these questions into a conversation with a new friend:
- What’s something most people don’t ask you, but you wish they did?
- What chapter of your life shaped you most?
- Where have you noticed God’s nearness or absence lately?
- What does trusting God look like right now?
- How can I pray for you this week?
Let’s learn how to hold space for someone else to talk and change the focus from what we have to offer to what we have yet to learn.
May God increase our ability to wonder, learn, and pay attention.
Cheryl Esper Balcom
Cheryl Esper Balcom is the author of Winds of Grace: Losing My Father, Surrendering Control, and Growing in Faith (Amazon). She delights in helping readers find grace in every word at cherylesperbalcom.com and cherylbalcom.substack.com. You’ll often find her curled up with a book or her Bible, enjoying a little coffee in her creamer.
